i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
