ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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