I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
