These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
