quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize