i just had sex bonerless
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
