you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i think my cat just said my name.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
