...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
