don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
