So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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