its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
