What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
