Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
