I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
