I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just fell off a train. Bad.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
