every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize