we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
