i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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