I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
