So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
