I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
