I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
