I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize