Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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