I wanna passion pit in your ass
4 words: hood of his car
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
