i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
