I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
