I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize