You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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