She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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