I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize