was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
