so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
