you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
