I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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