you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
