Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
