she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize