Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
