I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
