My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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