Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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