i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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