i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
