You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you inspire me to be a worse person
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
