Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We named our party play list daddy issues
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
