its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
