I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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