i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
