I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
