that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
