I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
