He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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