if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
