I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You smell like a Billy Joel song
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
