I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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