I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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