The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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