i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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