KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize