Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
