Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
