I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
