I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
