I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
