Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
