Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize