Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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