I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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